Harold's 'Great Victory' over European Opponent

HAROLD DEFEATS EUROPEAN 'UNELECTED BARONOCRAT', WILLIAM, AT HASTINGS

Pragmatic. Patient. Resilient. Victorious. Yes, I AM talking about Harold Godwinson

By The Coat of Mail On Sunday

There was a moment last week when it looked as if the game was finally up. ‘This is it,’ a leading Anglo Saxon backbencher told me. ‘I’ve always argued Harold needed to be given more time, but if he can’t move the negotiations forward then he’s going to have to step aside for someone who can.’

That was on Thursday morning; but 24 hours later Harold wasn’t stepping aside for anyone. Instead, he was celebrating the single greatest achievement of his tortuous kingship.

To fully understand all that Harold has achieved, it’s necessary to appreciate what was so nearly lost. The Battle of Hastings – the most significant national moment since the Roman invasion – came close to complete implosion.

The Anglo Norman peace process nearly disappeared into the void. Had that happened, the Government would have collapsed, and William of Normandy could have fulfilled his chilling prophecy of being king by Christmas.

Those who have knowingly claimed the events of the past seven days were some massive defeat could not be wider of the mark. ‘People don’t realise just how close we came to catastrophe,’ one baron tersely informed me.

While King Harold was unavailable for comment due to a 'minor problem with his eyesight', members of the Witenagemot, supported by various barons from Ireland, announced a 'great victory' at Hastings.

'While it is true that we have conceded rather more than we said we would at first,' said a leading member of Harold's court, 'we have now signed a peace agreement with William the Bastard. In it, he concedes victory to Harold, but in return we are granting freedom of movement to all Normans who will have the right to settle here and bring spouses and other dependents with them in perpetuity.'

While Harold remains king in principle, the jurisdiction of Anglo Saxon lands will be overseen by the ENJ, the English-Norman Court of Justice, which will be the arbiter of last resort.

Unfortunately, King Harold was still not available for comment at the time of going to press. One of his courtiers described him as 'very tired' after a long all night battle which only ended in agreement at 6 a.m.

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